to set aside time for the people
that are most important in your life.
It’s one of the peculiarities of modern life, that the people we love the most, often receive only what’s left of our energy — our “energy leftovers.”
It seems wise that we would first extend physical energy on our own behalf — as the flight attendant says, ”…in the event of a loss in cabin pressure, a mask will drop before you. Please put your own mask on first, before assisting others.”
After taking care of ourselves, it then seems logical that we would spend our energy on those we profess to love the most.
This is just common sense, yes?
by Dane Findley
Saving Your Energy for the Ones You Love Most
“…the trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat”
~ Lily Tomlin
It is often our spouses, children, and pets who get our residual energy — only after we’ve done everything else that week that needs doing. Doesn’t that seem odd, that the people we say are most important to us what amounts to the crumbs-on-the-plate of our time, quality attention, active listening and physical energy?
And at the very bottom of our list? Usually, it’s ourselves.
This is backwards, and not an especially effective way to live.
Cutting through the Noise of Modern Life
Of course, it isn’t that we mean to put ourselves, or our loved-ones, last on the list. It’s just that, well, life happens. Without realizing it, we’ve gone on auto-pilot.
Over at the Mantys’ blog, we had a scintillating conversation going in the comments section about who really receives the bulk of a person’s physical energy — strangers, or loved-ones? The discussion was inspired by Jill Manty’s insightful post about influence that essentially poses the question “with whom do you have clout, and why?”
Manty wondered what the reason is that our loved-ones so often seem to get the least of us, and proposed that one reason may be because we feel safe with our loved-ones and we know that if we neglect them, there’s probably more buffer before it causes negative consequences in our lives.
I also think that the reason we sometimes put our loved-ones on “energy rations” is because of the immense amount of distraction that exists in our modern lifestyles. The average person today is exposed to more information in one month than a farmer of yesteryear would have been exposed to in a lifetime.
“…when family is always where you sacrifice,
you can be sure your loved-ones notice”
~ Jill Manty
Over the last 200 years our environment has changed outrageously. But — and it’s a big but — our human physiology remains comparatively unaltered, so in a sense we haven’t yet physically developed the coping skills to deal with all the noise, distractions, and craziness. Cable channels devoted to 24-hours of non-stop bad news? Come on, it’s crazy! Satellite radio in your car, digital billboards that change ads as you drive past, smart phones that send video, text, voice calls — it’s a wonder we do as well as we do!
2013 Update! New Methods and New Results
The problem with the rat race is that it has a tendency to be detrimental to our physical health and to our relationships. This is especially true for those of us over the age of 40. In a sense, everyone in the developed nations over age 40 has the same challenge: how to age successfully, gracefully, and with nobility. That is, how to enjoy increased prosperity while at the same time improving our physical health and deepening our relationships. Anyone who has ever lost a friend or loved-one too young to cancer knows that if you keep putting your health and your relationships off until tomorrow, you will live — or die — to regret it. I realize that’s an intense thing to say, and it’s hard to say delicately, but someone has to say it: we all have the same problem. What makes it awkward is that it’s a problem few want to admit they have. Fortunately, there are solutions. In fact, I compiled solutions into a new book, The Numinous Journey — the book is just one of five items in the new Longevity Lifestyle Kit.
By utilizing principles of Success Psychology, the Longevity Lifestyle Kit ensures that your new, positive habits will “stick” (instead of having you start out with good intentions and then falling back into the same old habits).
The Numinous Journey:
How to Age Successfully ~ eBook, $8.95
“…The Numinous Journey is a well-written book
that thoughtfully merges ideas from psychology, spirituality,
and taking care of our physical bodies.
This is an incredible resource for anyone over 40
seeking to take control of their life and live with purpose and happiness.
If you want to teach an old dog (yourself) new tricks, THIS is the place to start!”
~ Paul Newton, corporate sales account manager
This will help motivate you to tailor a successful self-improvement strategy that is a uniquely good fit for you.
“The Numinous Journey really spoke to me.
Definitely a book to read to get you to think about why and how people live their lives.
I identified with being on auto-pilot;
I already knew this but had not fully admitted why this was bad for me in the longer term.
It also made me think about how how people really engage (or fail to engage) in conversations
as well as how I can take baby steps to make my life more fulfilling”
~ Nicky Hirst, Marketing Manager
The final section of The Numinous Journey helps you to crystalize everything you’ve learned about yourself and hold dear, and then utilize this new awareness into creating a life map — a map that will help you to navigate this next phase of your life, so that your journey is passionate, joyful, and rich with meaning and purpose. This next phase of your life can be your most fascinating yet!
“…the opening chapters of The Numinous Journey are so powerful, I defy anyone truly interested in self-improvement to read no further! Compelling and wise, without thinking that you have just been put straight and told off!
Dane complements his prose with those influential in both western and eastern philosophy, providing the reader with a wonderfully balanced view — sage advice and quotes that inspire and enlighten!
Chapter 6 is so vital. In discussing our eternal desires for that which lies outside of us, Dane reinforces the ancient philosophy: ‘all that we seek is within us.’
Chapter 7 reminds us of the foolishness of waiting to live, really live, until… until what? It is a sad indictment that so many start to live only when faced with a life-limiting illness!
Chapter 8 is about finding true inner peace. Mindfulness and meditation is no dark art. All that you seek is here. Priceless!
The closing chapters are a firestorm of brilliant advice and tips to (kindly) hammer home major — yet achievable — goals that will introduce you to paradigm shifts in family life, work-life and performance. The formula for creating meaningful, positive change is here …and it makes sense!
Being a man in his late 40s, I feel so fortunate to have read The Numinous Journey. As a psychotherapist I help others to walk their emotional fires — as I also walk my own — and this book could hardly have arrived at a better time!
~ Bob Brotchie, Anglia Counselling
Quality Time Begins With Awareness
But then, there’s a part of how we allocate our energy that has nothing to do with modern, digital life. The truth is, that on a psychological level, the proximity and intimacy of those we live with every day causes us to “integrate” them into our psyche — as if they are a part of ourselves — which means they get treated similarly to how we treat ourselves. And for many of us, our self-care isn’t so fantastic! In plainer language: we simply take the people we love, including ourselves, for granted.
It could be helpful to take an honest, objective look at your typical daily, weekly, and monthly life. How often do you phone your closest friends? To whom do you send anniversary cards? How much playful, yet focused, one-on-one time does your spouse or child receive from you each day?
Classical-music writer Julian Johnson explains that modern life is “over-rich in stimulants” — in sound, color, materials, food, speed — that it is often hard for us to appreciate the simpler pleasures around us.
As the years pass, it requires an enormous amount of awareness and intention to remember that our lifemates and our children — these people to whom we’ve committed to honor and walk the journey of life with — are not afterthoughts and they are not extensions of ourselves. They are separate human beings with their own thoughts and feelings, and worthy of our gratitude, time, and energy!
Included within the Longevity Lifestyle Kit is a companion guide that provides you with a fun and fascinating experiment to help you assess the current quality of your tribe. The exercises included within this guide are fascinating and revelatory! Purchase the guide separately, or save money purchasing the complete Longevity Kit — all 5 life-improving items bundled together, for the low price of $14.95.
28 Best Friends:
A Unique Social Experiment ~ Companion e-Guide, $4.95
This e-Guide help make the healthy relationships in your life more reciprocal and abundant. It has been proven that healthy relationships are the key to improved health and prosperity.
“…ultimately, it all comes down to your relationships.
Healthy relationships are what are most responsible
for bringing joy and prosperity into your life.
I use the 28 Best Friends guide as my ‘recipe’
for cultivating the relationships in my life that matter most!
I feel so energized about bringing more of myself
to the time I spend with my close friends and family.
As a read through the guide, I started wondering,
“Would I be in my friends’ 9-givers list?”
I hope I add something meaningful to their lives,
so hopefully the answer is yes!”
~ Jared Knickmeyer, Estate Homes Sales Specialist
What you need to get started are:
- a positive attitude
- a relationship list
- and a relationship action plan
28 Best Friends is an important part of a puzzle that any individual needs to put together for a successful life. Regardless of the length of your life, these steps will make your time on earth pleasurable for yourself and others around you.
This booklet is very hands-on, specific and logical. After the first reading, you might feel that the content is obvious and common sense. And it is! Things become obvious and common sense once someone puts them in the right order and presents them pedagogically.
The list of “questions to ask” provides solid grounding and opens your mind to reflect. I read that part several times to see if it fits my situation and life. After a while I realized that the questions got me thinking in the right direction. This is a great effect of this booklet. It helps you to reflect over your tribe. What more can be done? How can I expand? How can I contribute even more and better?
Do the exercises, even if your first reaction is not to. The effect after doing that is mind-blowing. Regardless of your tribe being super small or metropolitan. You need to see it on paper.
A pleasurable read! There were so many gems for me to collect. Dane writes accessible yet simplified, and has a great sense and feeling for the topic. These skills come from life experience as well as having produced a lot of material in the subject. The content, length, composition and design is just perfect!
~ Shahram Khorsand, Sales Manager / CareFusion Sweden
If living a happy and healthy life is important to you — especially as you age — then you must pay attention to the relationships in your life.
Designed to help you do exactly that, 28 Best Friends: Your Own Social Experiment! is a practical companion guide to The Numinous Journey eBook and included within the new Longevity Lifestyle Kit:
While reading 28 Best Friends I got an a-Ha! moment — realizing that sometimes we experience unhealthy or unproductive relationships that affect our well-being. It is imperative to connect with the ones that matter and Dane profiles how to get it done beautifully and strategically in his book. Hands down, the book has the most effective tools in connecting with the ones that matter and eliminate the “junk” that affects us, preventing us from growing and living our best lives! For good friends and good times make Dane’s book your weekend read and improve your life!
~ Doina Oncel, Solutions Specialist for Non-Profits
I encourage you to pick up the Longevity Lifestyle Kit and experience the positive results it will have on your daily life. All five items in the kit are designed to work synchronistically.
Each items serve a specific purpose, and combined they become super powerful. Enjoy the value and savings of getting all 5 items together!
The kit includes a e-Book, an e-Guide, an e-Booklet, an e-List, and an e-Workbook. The anchor of the kit is The Numinous Journey, an eBook that utilizes principles of Success Psychology and is strategically crafted to facilitate an inner process, that will help make your exciting new lifestyle habits “stick!”
- ➊ How to Create a Strategy for Living a Fascinating Post-40 Life: The Numinous Journey
- ➋ A Unique Social Experiment: 28 Best Friends
- ➌ How to Get Seriously Organized Using Checklists: The Dane Technique
- ➍ Using Your Blender to Get Lean and Strong: 5 Best Smoothie Recipes
- ➎ Ingredients Guide for Freshly Made Green Smoothies: The Shopping List
I’m inviting you to share this article with your friends, relatives, and colleagues. When we help and inspire each other to remember to tend lovingly to our own relationships, it improves the quality of life for all of us.