might reveal that simpler pleasures
are what help you to be happy.
What events in your own life would help you to be even happier than you are now? What does it mean to be happy?
As modern human beings, we routinely make predictions about how happy future events will make us — a new car, a million dollars, a face lift. We make guesses about how events and possessions might increase our long-term feelings of satisfaction and inner-peace.
Often, our predictions about owning experiences and material items turn out to be incorrect. The things we were so sure would make us happy people, do not.
How to Be Happy
In an insightful article in The New Yorker magazine, writer Elizabeth Kolbert explained that there are a whole range of activities that people tend to think will make them happy — such as getting a raise, moving to Hawaii, having children — that, in fact, do not.
“…when I do my happiness-inventory,
it is these quiet moments from my daily routine that stand out”
Of course, many of us already know this stuff intellectually, and yet: we keep forgetting: happiness is not often found where we might expect to find it.
The Paradox of Contentment is to Plan Ahead while Being in the Moment
On one hand, it seems good to have goals — goals give life texture and provide us with direction.
On the other hand, this moment — this simple little moment — is, oddly, all we know we have and our biggest opportunity lies within it.
When you really think about it, the whole idea of postponing opportunity because you expect to be alive ten minutes from now and will have more energy and where-with-all then, than you do now — well, it’s kind of comical in a way. What I’m saying might sound woo-woo to you — I realize that — but isn’t that what research, such as the research cited in Kolbert’s article, really tells us?
Kolbert startles us with revealing statistics and vignettes, such as: lottery winners who take significantly less pleasure in daily activities (such as clothes-buying), than non-lottery winners.
Do We Live in a Rat Race?
Lily Tomlin was on to something, when she said “the trouble with the rat-race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.”
Over the last 200 years our environment has changed outrageously. But our human physiology remains comparatively unaltered; so in a sense we haven’t yet physically developed the coping skills to deal with all the noise, distractions, and craziness of contemporary life.
The problem with the rat race is that it has a tendency to be detrimental to our physical health and to our relationships. This is especially true for those of us over the age of 40. Everyone in the developed nations over age 40 has the same challenge: how to age successfully, gracefully, and with nobility. That is, how to enjoy increased prosperity while at the same time improving our physical health and deepening our relationships.
Anyone who has ever lost a friend or loved-one too young to cancer knows that if you keep putting your health and your relationships off until tomorrow, you will live — or die — to regret it. I realize that’s an intense thing to say, and it’s hard to say delicately, but someone has to say it: we all have the same problem. What makes it awkward is that it’s a problem few want to admit they have.
Fortunately, there are solutions. In fact, I compiled solutions into a new book, The Numinous Journey — the book is just one of five items in the new Longevity Lifestyle Kit.
By utilizing principles of Success Psychology, the Longevity Lifestyle Kit ensures that your new, positive habits will “stick” (instead of having you start out with good intentions and then falling back into the same old habits).
The Numinous Journey:
How to Age Successfully ~ eBook, $8.95
“…The Numinous Journey is a well-written book
that thoughtfully merges ideas from psychology, spirituality,
and taking care of our physical bodies.
This is an incredible resource for anyone over 40
seeking to take control of their life and live with purpose and happiness.
If you want to teach an old dog (yourself) new tricks, THIS is the place to start!”
~ Paul Newton, corporate sales account manager
This will help motivate you to tailor a successful self-improvement strategy that is a uniquely good fit for you.
“The Numinous Journey really spoke to me.
Definitely a book to read to get you to think about why and how people live their lives.
I identified with being on auto-pilot;
I already knew this but had not fully admitted why this was bad for me in the longer term.
It also made me think about how how people really engage (or fail to engage) in conversations
as well as how I can take baby steps to make my life more fulfilling”
~ Nicky Hirst, Marketing Manager
The final section of The Numinous Journey helps you to crystalize everything you’ve learned about yourself and hold dear, and then utilize this new awareness into creating a life map — a map that will help you to navigate this next phase of your life, so that your journey is passionate, joyful, and rich with meaning and purpose.
This next phase of your life can be your most fascinating yet!
“…the opening chapters of The Numinous Journey are so powerful, I defy anyone truly interested in self-improvement to read no further! Compelling and wise, without thinking that you have just been put straight and told off!
Dane complements his prose with those influential in both western and eastern philosophy, providing the reader with a wonderfully balanced view — sage advice and quotes that inspire and enlighten!
Chapter 6 is so vital. In discussing our eternal desires for that which lies outside of us, Dane reinforces the ancient philosophy: ‘all that we seek is within us.’
Chapter 7 reminds us of the foolishness of waiting to live, really live, until… until what? It is a sad indictment that so many start to live only when faced with a life-limiting illness!
Chapter 8 is about finding true inner peace. Mindfulness and meditation is no dark art. All that you seek is here. Priceless!
The closing chapters are a firestorm of brilliant advice and tips to (kindly) hammer home major — yet achievable — goals that will introduce you to paradigm shifts in family life, work-life and performance. The formula for creating meaningful, positive change is here …and it makes sense!
Being a man in his late 40s, I feel so fortunate to have read The Numinous Journey. As a psychotherapist I help others to walk their emotional fires — as I also walk my own — and this book could hardly have arrived at a better time!
~ Bob Brotchie, Anglia Counselling
A Happiness Inventory Can Show You How Happy You Really Are
If you were to take a brutally honest happiness inventory of the last couple of years, you might be surprised at those moments that stand out most. Think back on these last two years — where is your contentment located?
Sometimes we answer questions such as this, with how we think we should answer… yes, the truth often alludes even ourselves.
In order to arrive at an authentic answer, a few minutes of solitude can be very helpful.
Give yourself a few moments alone to sit, close your eyes… and gradually calm yourself, looking inward:
What physical sensations are you aware of?
- ▸ What parts of your body feel healthy and good?
- ▸ What parts of your body feel tight or uncomfortable?
Gradually bring your attention to your lungs, following the sound and sensation of your own breath. When your mind starts to chatter, gently guide your attention back to the actual sensation of breathing.
After spending a few minutes in this relaxed state, ask yourself this question:
What are my favorite parts of a typical day?
…allow the answers to present themselves:
A Case Study: What Makes This Fellow Happy
When I recently conducted my own happiness-inventory, these typical moments of subtle joy were revealed to me:
- ◕ Saturday mornings, sitting cross-legged, next to a lit fire in the fireplace, on our living room rug, my laptop on the coffee table, a cup of warm yerba mate tea by my side, and my spouse sits nearby working on his laptop, too.
- ◕ on weekdays mornings, the spouse helps me tie my tie each morning. I choose which vest, the cuff links, which shirt, I polish our shoes, and then I ask him his opinion about our day’s wardrobe. Final changes are decided upon, a shower and a shave, and then he ties my tie. (Yes, even though I aspire to be a gentleman-hero from an Austen novel, the truth is, I have a hard time tying my own tie!)
When I do my happiness-inventory, it is these quiet moments from my daily routine that stand out.
I don’t think a new Ferrari or a trip to Paris would bring me as much contentment as David tying my tie each morning. Not even close.
A happiness-inventory may remind you of your own life’s simpler pleasures.
The Dane Technique is an e-Workbook designed for increased happiness, by helping you to create more free time in your life so that you can spend more quality time with loved-ones or pursuing those activities or hobbies that you feel passionately about. It’s also one of the five items contained within the Longevity Lifestyle Kit.
Individually, The Dane Technique is $4.95, or you can enjoy the value and benefits of the entire Kit for $14.95.
The Dane Technique:
How to Get Seriously Organized using Checklists ~ e-Workbook, $4.95
“…The Dane Technique provides concise, easy to understand, specific instructions
for people who want to get organized using checklists.
Beginning with a simple, yet powerful, manifesto
the book quickly walks the reader through a series of exercises
leading the reader to their own checklists.
No specific forms or software are required
leaving the format up to each unique and, soon to be organized, happy person”~ Paul Puckett, Asset Portfolio Manager
This e-Workbook will help you to get better organized.
In order to improve your self-care and increase your health protocols, you need a simple productivity system — a good system can help you to find extra time and energy and to create a new schedule and daily routine that works best for your life.
“…making a list felt like a chore
but after reading Dane’s “How To Get Seriously Organized Using Checklists”
I am now understanding how important lists are. My life is becoming clutter free
and I get more accomplished throughout the day because the lists suggested by Dane
are helping me be more productive in my personal and business life.
Quotidian list is my favorite! Don’t know what that is? Get the book and find out!
Trust me, it will change your life!”
~ Doina Oncel, Solutions Specialist for Non-Profits
By utilizing principles of Success Psychology, the Longevity Lifestyle Kit ensures that your new, positive habits will “stick” (instead of having you start out with good intentions and then falling back into the same old habits). There are 5 key pieces to the Kit:
“Live with Intention. Create a happy, balanced life. We all want this, right? Dane’s tips and techniques in his checklist book are a great way to reduce stress and be more productive. I’m a list maker, and follow a daily plan. But, sometimes things get in the way of completing my daily list. I really like thinking of my daily list as organic and always improving. If you aren’t a list-maker — he provides simple principles that will make a positive difference”
~ Margie Arnett, University Professor
Think back to the last two years of your own life. Heck, think back to just yesterday. What made you truly happy? Where are your moments of joy really found?
The Kit includes a e-Book, an e-Guide, an e-Booklet, an e-List, and an e-Workbook:
- ➊ How to Create a Strategy for Living a Fascinating Post-40 Life: The Numinous Journey
- ➋ A Unique Social Experiment: 28 Best Friends
- ➌ How to Get Seriously Organized Using Checklists: The Dane Technique
- ➍ Using Your Blender to Get Lean and Strong: 5 Best Smoothie Recipes
- ➎ Ingredients Guide for Freshly Made Green Smoothies: The Shopping List
If you’re not happy without a million dollars in your bank account what makes you think you will find happiness once the million dollars is in your account? Happiness is internal and not something that is found in material items.
I would like there to be a study done on what gives one’s life meaning. Happiness is a fleeting emotion (not that it shouldn’t be strived for) and can flit away like a butterfly under the dark cloud of rain. For me the deeper question resides in what is meaningful–that part of life which gives it its dimension. I think Joel is touching on that when he talks about decency, duty and contributing.
Hey, nice of you to say Dane! Honestly some days I wonder if I’m on the right track, but forward is the only choice we have! Hope all is well for you and David, the new ID.tv is lookin’ sharp!
Joel: I’ve always remembered this comment of yours. I’m struck by your advice “don’t try to bottle it.” Old-Soul wisdom!
And when you say “deceny, duty, and contributing,” I feel touched because I know you and this truly is your value system that you strive — successfully! — to align with.
{ twitter = @danenow }
The key for me is not attempting to make happiness last, take it as it comes, when it comes, but don’t try to create it or bottle it. Instead focus on other things for the long term, like decency, duty, and contributing.
Last night, sitting at the dinner table with my wife Deb, daughter Annie and son Ted — all sharing what we were grateful for in 2010. What a bounty that unfolded for us all.
And today, the morning brisk walk, and looking forward to a quiet day of painting in the guest house. Now that’s livin’!
Aw, I love it, about the sat mornings and the tie, such a nice picture you paint of domestic tranquility, and I agree. When I think back to happy moments with my first major ex, it was our Sunday morning routine, him watching the 49ers, grading papers, me reading the newspaper next to him — or, part of our Friday evening standard: watching McNeil Lehrer together with a glass of red wine.
And, happy moments with the exH: cooking together (well, him really the sous-chef, but still, talking and cooking); or the time we rented the cabin up at Pinehurst, with a little snow, and took the cats and invited my whole family up for Christmas (7 people), and I got a tree and decorated it too, and we were up there for a week, some time alone before and after family, I cooked a real feast… the best Christmas.
When I think about the man I love now, I often think of the routine we have every time we part, I kiss him goodbye so that will be the last memory I have of him until I see him again.
And I have plenty of happy moments alone, too! But they are also simple, like the time I had so much fun rediscovering a swingset — or, just last night on court….often physical fun activities, but simple things….and then some experiences that cost money (opera, live basketball, middleweight fight, dinners out), but not the lotto!
Interesting that money didn’t factor anywhere into that. Yet so much in America is about money money money at the expense of all else. And if you say that money doesn’t matter… well, we all know the names that will be thrown at you here.